whenever i have to go to work i think of all these things that i would like to be doing instead, but then on my days off, i just fritter and waste the days away and never feel like doing any of the things that i had been wishing i could do while at work. it is a beautiful day and i have managed to at least accomplish a couple of things. i washed my car, the dirty dishes, attempted to put passenger foor pegs on my bike. was successful at getting one of them on. the other...well i am gonna have to figure out a way to be creative or something. and have read half of The Alchemist. it is quite good so far. i don't know why, but if i spend the day reading then i feel like i am being lazy, which it really isn't i suppose, but i feel that way. i guess that it depends on what you are reading though.
i have to work tonight. i don't really want to go, but i don't have that many days of work left and so i really shouldn't complain i guess. it's not so bad anyway.
well, it's back to reading i guess. I am too lazy to go grocery shopping.

i saw Hotel Rwanda last night with one of my friends. what a disturbing, horrifying movie. so unbelievable how cold people can be. it was certainly eye opening. the part that really gets to me is when Paul says to the photo journalist guy(re: the footage of people being massacred) how can anyone see this and not help us. and the journalist replies that likely all that will happen is they will say, 'how terrible' and go on eating their dinners. That is so true. people who are far removed from a calamity and unaffected by the results often so easily just get on with their day or lives and do nothing. i think how often i have done the same thing. i may think, oh, i would really like to do something to help, but then get caught up in my own meaningless little life and forget all to easily the suffering that others may be going through.
how tragic that mankind is so inclined to such evil and that such attrocities have been allowed to occur over and over again throughout the history of our world. we are indeed a depraved species.

Emily and Sarah's adventure in Big Bend
the adventure was a success and Big Bend was incredible. There are so many different kinds of beauty in the world. Big Bend is certainly beautiful and awe inspiring despite the fact that it is a desolate and arid wilderness. The weather was amazing and we didn't escape without sunburns. The sun is unmerciful and there is really nowhere to go to escape it. really crazy in fact because the temperatures can go to such different extremes. so hot during the daytime, to freezing cold during the night. I found myself welcoming the warmth of the sunrise in the morning, and welcoming its receding heat with the sunset in the evening. being cut off from everything man made and immersed in nature, one learns just how much respect is due to nature and its forces. we are really small and insignificant in its vastness and unpredictability. I recommend the experience to anyone reading this.

Song for the day: Cat Stevens- Morning Has Broken

so my sister is here to visit and we had these grand plans to go camping in Big Bend National Park. as fate would have it, this is the busiest season of the year and all the campgrounds there are full. Not only that, all the other campgrounds around in Texas are full. would you believe it. man, i am so bummed out. we decided that we are going to have an adventure anyway, and we are gonna drive out to big bend regardless and maybe by some miracle we will get a campsite. perhaps some one will cancel, or not show up or something. keeping our hopes up, otherwise we will make our own campground. heh heh heh.
i can't sleep, i was so tired yesterday and i slept until about 4 am, but since then i have just been tossing and turning, wide awake and watching the minutes creep by. it truly sucks to be unable to sleep when one wants to. i suppose i should make good use of the time and prepare some things for our ambiguous camping experience.

As for a song, it would have to be : Alisson Kraus-Restless. I think it's been playing in my head all night long

awesome! so i guess that it just takes this thing a little time to change the actual template that i look at when i sign in to my blog. it is changed now. i am so excited. i hope you all like it.

so i just tried to change my template and i am not quite sure what happened because now if i view my blog by going to the web address, it is changed, but if i sign in to it, it it still the same as before. how wierd. I am not sure what is going on

sitting here alone in the quiet again. i have had a relaxing day, doing nothing really. i do too much of nothing. i need to really plan and get busy accomplishing things in preparation for moving. I am such a procrastinator. i could do so much better for myself if i were only motivated. instead i can spend a whole day messing around with my music cd's, trying to make the perfect mix, but in doing so having to listen to each whole song through and so i never get anywhere with anything. i love music so much. i realize that mostly, when there is music playing, i am unable to really thoroughly concentrate on something else because i must listen to the music. If i am trying to write seriously i cannot do so with music playing, if I am trying to read i can't, if i am trying to go to sleep i can't, because i HAVE to listen to the music. every part of it. every individual instrument and every fluctuation of the voice. every harmony. it is almost enslaving really. it must just be in my blood.
anyway i should sleep now i guess.

Song of the day: Tom Waits-flowers grave

I just finished reading through all my previous entries and I was thinking how neat it is to be taken back to where i was at the particular time i wrote each entry and i decided that i need to write in this thing more often. I am terribly disappointed at the same time because i realized that all the comments i had from people to my postings are all somehow mysteriously gone. Totally vanished. Every post has zero comments up till about my latest two entries or so. very disappointing to me as there were some comments that i would have wished to have saved. I am still puzzling over what could possibly have happened to them all, but how am i ever to even begin understanding the workings of computers and these modern electronic devices we have around us today.
Its getting late, and i had planned to spend the evening reading. well actually i did spend the evening reading, but just not reading a book like i had planned. instead i relived my entire blog and as the archives became smaller and smaller as I worked my way up to the present i realized i really need to start writing again. I really do enjoy writing, i am not really sure why i have been so negligent for so long now. I am on a mission to change that now. we will see how long it lasts.
Life is much the same as it always is, though my time in San Antonio is fast coming to an end. I always look forward to these changes, but then it always seems that once they begin looming ahead of me on the horizon i wish that maybe I could put the brakes on a little and just coast in to the changing point. It seems like it comes at you too fast sometimes. Change always breeds a whirlwind of feelings inside of me. I so look forward to it but at the same time I dread it terribly. I love and hate the unknown it seems. I can't do without it, but have a hard time dealing with it too. hmmm...it's all very confusing. I am not even sure that I know what i am talking about. Anyway, for any of you who i haven't talked to in a while, i am fast coming up on a changing point in my life. moving, new job, new place, new people. we'll just see how it goes i guess.
it's ironic how life makes things hard for us. just when my time of leaving is approaching texas is beginning to have some of it's most beautiful weather. the kind of weather that makes this place beautiful, that made me think that this was a place i could think about living in when i first moved down here. perfect weather. but at least i know that it will not stay that way, and so i will move on.

Song of the day: Over The Rhine-Suitcase

pulling the Bulgarian out of the cave