...and reality sets back in WAY too quickly! I was praying that my first day back to work and off orientation would not be too hard on me, but I guess that it wasn't anyones plan to ease me into things. My very first night and it was crazy hectic! I was stressing so bad I could feel the holes burning in my stomach! If this is how nursing will be for me...i know i won't be able to do it for long. It will kill me. Last night we had a patient die in a pool of blood. The most gruesome sight I have seen in real life. There was blood everywhere, all over the floor, the walls, everywhere! And the smell was sickening! He wasn't my patient, but I heard the PCA calling for help and I walked and this guy was laying there on the floor, blood everywhere. and then he died. nursing makes us so detached. i guess it is necessary to survive.
My life, and the things in it have been forcing me to constantly see things from new perspectives. Everytime another one comes in to focus I say wow! so thats how the picture really is supposed to look, but no sooner do i think that, then it has already changed...like a kaliedascope! Each one is beautiful in it's own way, and you think, wow, this is by far the most beautiful and you want to keep that one, but then you bump the scope and it changes, and you never get that particular design back, and then you stumble upon another design and you say, wow, this one is even more beautiful than the last. And so it goes. what an incredible and yet crazy life we live!