well the weekend is winding to an end and dismal thoughts of work are haunting me. I dread mondays at work. they tend to be busy and have been some of the worst days that i have worked. I will just hope that tomorrow will be an unusual monday.
It has been a strange weekend. I have been thinking a lot about things, my life, people i know or have known. I got practically nothing useful done. I was realizing that I have a lot of work to do on my life before it is anything near to something that I am satisfied with. there are so many things that over the years I have let slip, or grown lazy about, and I realize how unhappy i am. I think that i look around for people to blame, but in the end it always comes back to me and I see that I am the one at fault, I am the one who needs to change things.
life is hard and I wonder if i will ever get to a point in my life where i will be satisfied and content and feel like things are how I want them to be. as it is I feel like my life is like a messy room, you can try to clean it up, but by the next day you have clothes strewn all over the place again, and your desk is covered in clutter. I guess the important thing is self discipline. I think I really need to work on my self discipline. I don't really have any. My self is like a spoiled little child. it is a good thing that i am not a parent. I would probably have a little brat on my hands that everyone would hate....thankfully i am not in that situation.
the time that i am not spending thinking about my life and how i need to clean it up I pine away over the guy i loved more than any other guy i have ever known and i wonder if i will ever have the great fortune to forget him...but then again, I don't know that i want to forget him. I still am not over him! ay! the foolishness of the heart. will i ever learn not to fall in love with people?